An Ode to Facebook, Part 3

The Scam Artist

So I’m on a dating site.  And despite my previous resistance to such methods of meeting people, I’ve been having a lot of fun.  But the other day I received this message:

“Can we IM or chat over Facebook?”

No, “I like your profile,” or funny entry line, just the intrusive, “Add me as a friend so I can poke around your Facebook life before I decide whether or not to ask you out.”

Now normally I would not have responded, but I looked at his profile pic…and then at his other pics…and then decided he was just hot enough to get away with such arrogance.  But I was not about to make it easy on him, so I responded with the coy, “Sure, when would you like to chat?”

He tried to make a plan for the following evening but I had a date and told him so.  A day later he tried to make another plan, but I didn’t show up online.  Two days later he tried again, again I failed to show up.  A week later I was on OK Cupid responding to a message when his IM pops up.

“Caught you!”  Ew.

“Hi.  How’s it going?”

“You available to chat?”

“Sure.  What’s up?”

“Can we go on Facebook?  Too many people bug me here.”  Ok, you’re not that hot.

“Why, you want to stalk me on FB so you know whether or not to ask me out?”

“Ha!  No really, I just want to focus on you.”  Vomit.

I was rolling my eyes and every bone in my body was telling me to run as fast and far away as I could, but I gave him my full name anyways.  One minute later his friend request came across email, I accepted and we began the most banal exchange to ever occur over IM.

“So what do you want to know?  I’m all yours.”  I wasn’t aware this was an interview.

“Uh, ok, how about why is your OK Cupid profile so brief?”

“ADD.  What else?”

“Why don’t you ask me a question?  That’s usually how conversations go.”

“Why me?”


“Why did you choose me?”  I didn’t.  I haven’t.  And I probably won’t.

“I’m pretty sure you’re the one who stalked me.”

The conversation went on like this for about five minutes until he pulled out the, “What are you thinking about?  Are your thoughts innocent?”  Really dude?  You think I’m going to have an illicit conversation with you over Facebook IM?  B*tch please.

I told him I needed to get my beauty sleep and quickly ended the conversation, but I was still a tad curious about his inflated ego.  So I took a gander around his Facebook page.  As I scrolled through the home page, I read post after post from different women, all of which seemed to adore this jackass, but there was a curious absence of male friends.  Then I looked at the pictures and there were only two, one of them a self-portrait taken in the mirror wearing nothing but bedroom eyes.  Really?  This is not an escort site. 

Or is it?  I looked at the friends (37, all women); I looked at his Facebook handle (Jason Jcs).  You have GOT to be kidding me.  Homeboy set up a fictitious Facebook page just so he could scam on women.  Right.  We all use Facebook in ways that are, at times, not completely appropriate.  But this is an outright breach of human decency.

I know, I know, what did I expect from someone with the depth of a puddle?  Nothing.  Well, maybe a shred of integrity, but I guess, at times, even that is too much to ask.


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