Stalked by a Stripper

So I’m being stalked by a stripper.  Remember the exotic dancer I hired for my friend’s birthday and then fired within days?  Well he keeps calling me at odd hours from a blocked number.  How do I know it’s him?  Because there’s a funny thing about blocked numbers—most people don’t have them.  So when you only know one person with a blocked number, every time they call you, you know it’s them.  Kind of defeats the purpose. 

This gentleman made the mistake of leaving a message the second time he called me (he also left his phone number which I find ironic), and since he is the only person I know with a blocked number, I now know it’s him every time he calls.  Which is often.

In his first attempt at communication, I woke up to a blocked number calling me at 12:37am.  It was the night before the birthday party and I figured some girl had given some creepy guy the wrong number in a bar and my voicemail could let him down easy.  The next day, what I assumed was the same blocked number called in the afternoon and left a message.  Normally I let my voicemail go for days without listening to it, but I was curious, so I put my phone on speaker and washed dishes while I listened to “Gavin” outline in detail exactly what he was going to do to the birthday girl in a few short hours. 

When he got to the part about where he was going to place her hand, I broke a glass.  Did he really try calling me at midnight to tell me this?  He also promised to call right back, probably because most people don’t pick up blocked numbers, so I immediately called the “entertainment” company and made sure they knew I had canceled.

“Oh, yea, we have you down as having canceled.  He probably just doesn’t check his voicemail.  But don’t worry; he doesn’t have any of your information other than your phone number.”

Don’t worry?  You can find out almost anything you want to about a person using just their cell phone number; including, thanks to Google, their exact whereabouts at any point in time.  Not that I was worried Gavin might have the desire or skills to track me (because, let’s be honest, if he did, he probably wouldn’t be “performing”), but the ignorance of the operator irritated me.

True to promise, Gavin called me back just as I got off the phone with his employer.  Against my better judgment, I picked up.  I politely explained that we had canceled the show because the hostess had had a baby (lie), and I thanked him for his time and follow-up.

“Was the baby unexpected?”  That’s a rather personal question to ask, but ok.

“Uh, yea, it was one month early.  So, thanks again for your time-“

“Was it really because of the baby?  Was it too expensive?”  His voice got a little high and worried.

“No, no, everything’s fine, we just canceled the party.”

“So are you guys going to reschedule?”

“Yup, but we don’t know when the party will be held or where, so we’ll just have to book again when we get it all figured out.”

“Well, are you going to go through the company?”  Wow, way to put on the hard press.

“Um, sure, but I’m not going to rebook right now, because like I said-“

“Well, if you want my personal number, I think I left it on your voicemail, you can just call me directly.”

“Sure.  Give me your number.”  He spoke carefully and I pretended to write down his phone number and when I hung up, I thought that was the end of it.

Two days later at about 10:30pm, I got another phone call.  And then again at 1:13am.  The following day, again against my better judgment, I picked up the third call.

“Hi.”

“Uh, hello, is this Lauren?”

“Yup.  Gavin, why are you calling me?”

“Uh..uh…how did you know it was me?”

“Because no one uses blocked numbers anymore.  In fact, you’re the first person in probably five years that has called me from a blocked number.”

“Oh.  Well, I was just calling to see if you wanted to reschedule.”  At 1:13am?

“Nope, not yet.  I’ll call you when we do.  I promise.”  I hung up before he could say anything else. 

This guy was a piece of work.  I get it that times are tough, but if someone doesn’t want you to come over to their house and take your clothes off, I think you should respect that.  I also think that when someone makes it clear that they know you’re the one who has been calling and hanging up, you should stop doing it.  We’re going on nine days and 11 blocked calls.

So Gavin, stop calling.  I don’t want you to come over, I don’t want to see your shaved chest or your boxer briefs, and I really don’t want you to call me late at night and breathe heavy in my ear.  I also don’t want to get you fired, but if you call me again, I will.