Men: Tell Your Woman She’s Pretty
I know most of you don’t get this. You understand that you’re supposed to tell your woman she’s pretty– just like you’re supposed to put the toilet seat down– but the reasons behind it are about as clear as a Jody Foster acceptance speech.
Women might be complicated, but this isn’t rocket science. We need to hear the words, “You’re beautiful,” come out of your mouth on a regular basis. It’s that simple.
Because we don’t know. Or maybe we kind of know, but we think it’s conditional and based on a good hair day or extra sit-ups. Or maybe we know we’re pretty, but we’re also hyper aware of our flaws and the other women who around us (either real or otherwise) who appear to be perfect. Or maybe you told us once or twice at the beginning of our relationship but we wonder if you’re tired of the same face you’ve seen for the last seven years.
I realize this is a foreign concept to men who subscribe to the, “just know,” frame of mind. Those of you who honestly believe:
If I’m with a girl, she should just know I think she’s pretty. Otherwise, why would I be with her?
You will have a hard time with this.
But you should “just know” two things:
1) Telepathy is a terrible communication tactic.
2) The 50% fail rate of baby boomer marriages should tell you something– nothing can be assumed or taken for granted in relationships. Not attraction. Not even love.
Thing is, feelings and attraction change over time. When you first got together, you probably watched her every movement, in awe of her hair, her skin, her curves. Things were new, fresh. Now, she’s lucky if you notice her new racy thong as she’s undressing for the shower.
There’s nothing wrong with this– it happens. At some point, we all get desensitized to things and they just become routine. But they shouldn’t.
If your woman stopped laughing at your jokes because you should “just know” she thinks you’re funny, wouldn’t your pride be a little hurt? Wouldn’t you go in seek of another audience more appreciative of your humor?
I say, “I love you,” isn’t that enough?
Nope, and for a couple of reasons.
1) Love and desire are different. Love is companionate, desire is carnal. Love is healing and fulfilling, and essential to our survival as humans. But so is satisfying our baser needs.
What is love without desire? It’s friendship. And friendship is an important, essential foundation for any relationship, but you don’t want your woman to feel like she’s just your buddy. Do you?
You know that ass she spends hours perfecting at the gym? $100 says there’s a trainer who notices and won’t treat it like it belongs to a friend.
Whoa! Are you saying that if I don’t tell my woman she’s pretty that she has carte blanche to cheat on me?
No, but you are playing with fire. Here’s the deal, women like sex just as much as men and we want to feel desired towards that end.
Isn’t that a little anti-feminist?
Nope. It’s honest. In our culture, women are the peacocks. We are the most exalted forms of beauty to behold on every billboard and bus side, and biologically speaking, we are the mates chosen for our fertility and health. The evolutionary survival of our genes depends on our ability to not only attract a mate, but also to keep him around long enough to help raise our young.
Women need to know that they are not only a peacock, but that they are your peacock.
Which brings me to reason number two.
2) In our visual culture, there are many objects of desire that compete for men’s attention. Sexy women appear in 22% of advertisements as compared to sexy men who appear in 6%, and thanks to the wonders of modern technology, there is not one single real life female who can live up to the extreme perfection as pictured. Add to this T&A mags, Sport’s Illustrated SI edition, porn, strip clubs and Victoria Secret everything and there’s a lot of seductive noise out there.
Women have strip clubs too!
Yea. Strip clubs modeled after what men like (which is the opposite of what most women want). If there were really a strip club for women, it would be filled with hot men who buy them drinks all night and…wait for it…tell them they’re pretty.
Ok, what are we supposed to do, shield our eyes from anything remotely physically appealing?
No. You’re supposed to make your woman feel desired. You’re supposed to show through actions and words, that despite the landscape of fictionally perfect boobs and butts out there, you still see her. And hers is the picture you prefer.
How do I do that?
You tell your woman she’s pretty.